Living as Light Under Trial

     I have a few desires with our blog.  I love that I can record our life happenings as a remembrance and to share with our friends and family.  But I also want to be honest with those who are walking similar journeys, so they can be encouraged and to know it's not about perfection, but lots of grace.  I want those who are about to step into adoption, to look at us, and to be encouraged that God's grace is more than enough. 

     At the same time, I want to honor my children and their stories.  There are pieces of their stories they want me to share and pieces they don't.  And there are aspects of our journey I don't share in order to protect and other aspects I feel prompted to share for understanding, education and ministering to hearts. 

    A couple of posts back I wrote about Jubilee's Breakthrough.  I waited to share some of the challenges she had walked through because I didn't want it held against her.  Our pasts become our testimonies of what God has done in our lives.  And so, because Jubilee has had such incredible breakthrough, I wanted to share it as encouragement for those who had been in the trenches doing hard work for many months without seeing success.  While we are in the middle of many BIG blessings and expansion in our home and hearts, we can, at the very same time be reaching down into a pit trying to pull another one up.  Highs and lows come together many times for our family.

    I was excited to share Jubilee's new found freedom and the joy that comes with it - until that blog post was used against her.  Can i just say - if we ever hold someone's past against them and decide they should not be given a chance then we have shot ourselves in the foot.  What chance should we be afforded? 

    Randy and I pray about the experiences we place our children in.  We think we are a bit on the conservative side and cocoon with our children, being careful with what they participate in until we feel a prompting by the Holy Spirit and see the fruit that has come from our cocooning period.  Only then do we consider placing them with others.  We take into consideration who they will be with, even the room they will be in, the duration of time of the activity and the subject. 

    We have a little girl who has overcome a mountain, is beginning to feel as though she belongs.  Joy is filling her heart.  Peace rests with her.  New steps are being taken.  But fear came to meet us a couple days ago.  When we signed her up to join Rainan in two, one hour classes (I am able to be there for), we were told the school was unable to care for her needs- because of the blog post I had shared. 

     Fear prevented any openness to meeting her, to giving her a trial period, to trusting the wisdom of Randy and mine in allowing her the opportunity to grow in experiences that bring her joy!  Fear read my blog and instead of seeing where she is now, decided where she was is still present.  I have to be honest, I have wondered if I harmed her by sharing.  We certainly didn't imagine anything but for the body of Christ to celebrate with us, and to partner with us in encouraging her successes.

    God has been so good to minister to Randy and I to remember that this ministry goes far beyond what we do with our children but our battle extends to stand in faith and truth against the fear that still permeates within the body of Christ, unable to see the abounding good works that God is doing.  For a moment, we trembled in the sting for our daughter.  For a moment.  But through forgiveness, God reminded us that this is still Grace Haven.  In the safety of Jesus, no matter the injustice or unfairness of man, God reigns and will make overflowing joy abound for our daughter!!  Her fate is not determined by man and so OUR joy overflows too! 

    Certainly we pray for healing to happen and Jesus to break His light into the areas of fear but whether or not that happens this time and incident for Jubilee or not, we believe He is using this opportunity to grow us.  Jubilee has witnessed our hurt for her, she knows without a doubt that when we told her she couldn't join Rainan, that it wasn't us rejecting her.  She laid her head on my shoulder then looked at me and said, "So they don't like me?"  I told her, "Sweet girl, they don't know you!  If they knew you, they would absolutely like you! You just keep praying and doing your very best and God will show you amazing things."

    As I was meditating in the word, the Lord brought me to Isaiah 49:8-9.
I love it as I noticed that the background of the verse is probably the year of Jubilee!

This is what the Lord says:

In the time of my favor I will answer you, and in the day of salvation I will help you;  I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people, to restore the land and to reassign its desolate inheritances, to say to the captives, 'Come out,' and to those in darkness, 'Be free!'

    Our freedom wasn't stolen!  Jubilee is being set up for greater things.  God will make a way so that the living testimony of His grace in her life will be made known.  We will not be shaken!  We will not stop sharing the amazing work God has done.  Glory be to God!

Please join us in prayer for families and for God's people that no offense of man can become a snare to the transforming work of the Cross.  Jesus said, "It is finished."  His love is made complete in us!  (1John 4:12)




Blessed said…
Your response to the rejection and fear is beautiful.

I didn't remember reading anything all that bad in Jubilee's post, so I went back to re-read it now. Hmmm. Just a few thoughts, assuming the person who originally read the blog post and made the decision to leave out Jubilee will still be reading and might see this:

--I am very sad to say, but I assume you are a Christian, because we do have a tendency to value the outward appearance of righteousness over the internal value of sanctification. Likely only a Christian would be afraid of the occasional temper outbursts, or the mention of bad words--things that might "shock" our pious sensibilities and "corrupt" our other innocent children.

I am wondering what you think you are protecting your children from. Words don't hurt. "Bad behavior" can actually be a great opportunity for the other children in your class to think about their own behavior, for the teachers to model grace and love for "the outsider," and for the kids to see how to love people who are hard to love.

(Tina, I am not saying Jubilee is "the outsider" or is exhibiting "bad behavior"--I am trying to speak to the group leaders with thoughts that might be in their heads.)

Grace is messy. Growth is messy. Jesus chose to hang around with very messy people. He said he came for the "sick" and not the "well."

I am not speaking out of no empathy for your position, teacher. I myself am having to "put my money where my mouth is" because a family with an autistic daughter has started coming to our church homeschool group. Oh my word. The first time the girl screamed at me, called me names, and stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door you should have seen the faces of all the "innocent" little kids. Huge eyes and solemn little "o" mouths. It was my first time actually working with someone with special needs, and I had not known what to do. And so I did something I should have that actually caused her dysregulation. And then her mother, who was embarrassed but held her head up, told me that her daughter had actually just employed some good strategies for her, and so that was a "good" response!

Am I leery of doing something else to set off this child that is so foreign to what I know? Yes. Does it make my job (I'm just leading this group as a volunteer! I have no training, I'm just a fellow homeschool mom!) harder? Yes. Does a little (sinful) part of me wish they weren't coming, so I didn't have to worry about it? Yes.

But I am GLAD she and her mom are coming. I WANT to be challenged to love better, to serve better, to surrender fear and control and "rights" and everything that we use to try to shield ourselves from discomfort. God is in the messy details. Our kids will experience Him most fully when they see Him present and at work in the fallen and imperfect world and relationships around them.

Which is worse? To teach our kids that we should only hang out with those who we are comfortable with, and ignore the words and example of Jesus? Or for your children to hear some screaming and bad words?

For me, it is the first thought that makes me tremble in horror.
I thought the post on Jubilee was beautiful and amazing and such an example of the progress love can bring about.
Jo's Corner said…
ahh, Sweet Jubilee, you are an amazing little girl...a Gift from God. I Believe that that there are so many Big Things lying ahead for you.
I am saddened that there are people who are "Christians", who do not see the Gifts that You and your siblings are. And, I am pretty sure that Jesus is weeping at the choices that have been made, in regards to whether you are allowed to be in that class with your sister.
I will be praying for the best choices to be made for All of the children in your family. And, for the hearts of those who cannot see Jesus in you.
Love to All of the K Family!

Tesseraemum said…
Thank you for sharing this. It's so hard when you see such growth in your child and all the world sees are the challenges that remain. Our 14 yr old daughter with adhd/odd and sensory processing issues has come so far yet even though she is entrusted to babysit others kids and care for horses our own extended family is blind to her accomplishments and will exclude her from activities. It breaks my heart but I know God is doing amazing things in her and has a big job for her. Sheri
teamgile said…
I'm sorry you are going through this. May God give you strength and wisdom.
Sarah Jasson said…
Great information, you have a wonderful blog and an excellent article.
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