Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Wounds of the Orphaned Heart: Loving From Afar

Children cannot process a parents decision to leave the family separate from themselves. They always question their value; their degree of lovability.

     My father once told me he should never have had children and that he was not meant to be a father. He explained he was too selfish and would rather "love from afar."  And in his matter of fact way of speaking (not upset or inflamed in any way) I guess it took me a long time to realize what his words were really speaking.  

    "Loving from afar" became haunting words to me.  What does that mean?  I prayed for years on this.  If he was loving, why wasn't love the thing I was experiencing?  

     Love requires action.  It's something we do.  It's time spent.  And the feeling that comes out of love is a desire and hope to be closer.

     At first I denied them to myself. Children's hearts do not want to receive distancing words from their parents. While everyone is different in coping, it is still trauma to the heart when a parent places a boundary line that is against Gods plan.

     I have been allowing the Lord to do a deep work of revelation and scouring as I wanted wisdom on this "love from afar" thing. While I wait upon the Lord for His working out,  I am so thankful that he has allowed me to be able to feel pain and given me the courage to walk into anothers.

    I have a very soft spot for my father even as I share those woundings. I understand that in order to speak those words and to stay distant to me speaks of old wounds to his heart from a time long ago. Likely, from before I was born.

    The way we process heart wounds is so very important. If we push them down or cover them over they morph into something else and arise in other facets of our lives. One thing is certain; they always affect relationship. 

                                   A lie to the heart always inflicts.

     If you can view your adopted child (or any orphan spirit) and their distancing behavior through that lens, you can begin to tend to wounds instead of being wounded by their wounds! What your child is saying without words is, "I don't believe I am lovable."  Distancing behavior and shutting down behavior will absolutely touch your old wounds if you have anything in there you are trying to push down or avoid.  

       Living out of fear of rejection has a tendency to cause REJECTION.

If today you are realizing you are working overtime to mask your own aches please find a place to go alone with God. Find a quiet zone if it needs to be your closet. 

Lay every lie you have believed at the feet of Jesus.

Release in forgiveness the person who spoke those lies or has lived out of a lie and hurt you.

Soak in His truth......

You were made by a perfect Love.

Your destiny is heaven.

All of the fruits of the spirit are available to you to walk in because you trust your heavenly Daddy.

Heavenly Daddy says you are absolutely 100 percent accepted. 

                                             Never will He leave you.

This is your power. Not what you have known or experienced that was against truth but Truth that stood and declared LIFE over you at first thought of you. You were made to love another in Christ and with the grace He willfully and joyfully pours on you to HEAL every last broken place in your heart.

May every life know the goodness of the Lord and every orphaned heart be healed in the name of Jesus!

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.

                                                Psalm 27:10

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Embracing the Time

Celebrating our first FOURTH all together.

The Francis family came over for the 4th of July and helped Cephas and Lucia celebrate.
Here's our Ukraine crew together.  Sweet bunch!
 Best Friends
 First Sparklers!

 Crazy blessed to call Stacey friend!

Cameron showing some serious SKILL!

Lucia got in on the action too! (Grace is dancing back there! lol)

Jubilee found bubbles to be more her speed.

      One of the new things Lucia is enjoying is holding her "baby" named Jubilee.  It's so difficult for Lucia not to be able to use her hands and arms to do the things she would like.  If she was physically able I have NO doubt she would be the most hands on attentive mommy ever!  One day when the girls were playing house she said, "Lucia Mommy.  Jubilee baby."  So to be playful I picked Jubi up and placed her on her lap.  I held her there thinking it might not work but in all of the awkwardness they were both having fun so I left them alone and took some photos.

       Oh how she longs for better communication.  She speaks but her language is limited and its effort to produce each syllable.  When people meet her they aren't sure what she understands so they often don't take the time with her.  She has so much going on in her thoughts that I can't wait to hear.

Getting ready to watch the fireworks show!

 Big brothers put on the show for us.

    I am sorry I haven't been able to update more often.  The days are faster than I imagined they could ever be.  They are full and new still for Cephas and Lucia while there are some comforting routines.  Simple things like baths are still exciting and every small experience is an adventure lit up in their faces. 

     Randy and I realize this is a bit of down time before all of the doctor appointments bring new realities of surgeries and difficult decisionmaking.  There are times I can almost forget about the severity of their conditions.  We just live here.  While we experience the reality daily while tending to them, we remember how they once lived.  Their lives are so full now and their joy at times can make me forget what comes ahead.

     I begin weeping at that.  I want these things that need to come and yet I begin hurting for them.  I want an easy carefree day for Lucia without pain and discomfort.  My goodness I cannot imagine the crown in heaven she will receive.  It will be extravagant as I know her heart is.  

    We just aren't the same people, Randy and I.  As much as all of our children have helped mold us over the years, this year has marked something so very deep in us as a couple and as a family.  The fragility of life has taken on new dimensions in our hearts and we understand more than ever what family is and what it is not. This is greater importance than ever to hold each other gently.  Our definition of what is REAL has transformed.  

    Breathing is beautiful.  Being in the garden and watching children playing.  Early morning quiet prayer time on the porch. Redefined relationships. Listening.  Lots of listening.  And in this, the confidence we feel is in a deepened faith.  I trust that my precious Jesus who lifted these two from broken places will continue to keep them under His wing for the perfect plan He has.  With joyful tears I ride this journey of motherhood.