Thursday, January 7, 2016

It's All Worth It

    I have avoided coming to update until I have time to update.  Tick, tick, tick.....
And so I decided that if I can't give a complete update it's better to just give what I can, the little pieces of my heart that I can, and am supposed to share. 

    I am finding grace everywhere abundantly supplied.  We were sent here from heaven you know, to do heavenly things in this broken down world and so we need these heavenly gifts to do it.  I'm finding more grace, along with all of the eternal gifts of the spirit to do this kind of kingdom work in this temporal land of wasting things by the use of my faith vision.

    We are climbing mountains over here in our wheelchairs and Lucia and Cephas just may be leading the charge.  Last year was just plain hard I tell ya.  If I thought there was nothing more than this world itself I may have just dug a hole and called it done, but I think we may have needed that year to see with joyful tears that all that we have is HIS and HE will do what HE will do. 

    This is what I know.  Justice is His.  Keeping our eyes fixed on the prize and laying it before Him is our safest way to be and I don't know HOW but HE NEVER FAILS to bring about what is good.  Not what feels good, but what IS good.  That's hard to grasp, but I'm catching on. 

Will we sing when we don't feel like it?

Will we bless when we are cursed?

Will we compliment those who lie about us?

Will we love those who live in self pity?

Will we give to the takers?

OUCH.... OUCH.... OUCH.... OUCH.... OUCH.....

Will we declare God GOOD when everything around feels not good?

     Jesus didn't live perfectly as God, he lived perfectly as man dependent on God.
Jesus didn't love perfectly because he didn't hurt, he loved perfectly because he had understanding.  Hurt didn't hold power.  The end held power.  Knowing what we are hurting for holds power to me.  When it's done, I want to know there's a prize held to. That prize being the very heart of God.  I want fullness.  That's what I am chasing this year for me and for my family - the fullness of God in the midst of everything. 

      It's not that I don't believe in breakthrough and healing.  Don't get me wrong.  But what I am learning is that more amazing than living in complete pleasure - feeling good in every way, is living FULLY.  The Lord began speaking to me about longsuffering several years ago.  That word would revisit me time and again and I hated that word.  What's to like?  But I think after the last couple of years, I am beginning to get it.  It's what we learn through suffering.  Those who suffer well, know how to live with joy in the purest sense because joy has to do with delighting in Christ, the truth of Christ, which requires FAITH.  At no other time do you need faith more, then when you suffer.  To suffer well with Christ, is to know joy, to hear His voice, and to trust what's coming is worth all of this.

    Beloved do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.  1 Peter 4:12-13


Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Peeking My Head Out

   If you hadn't noticed, I've not posted here in a year.  To catch you up to speed on everything that has happened in that time would take about 100 posts so I will try to sum it up with substantially fewer words.  I apologize in advance for vagueness or overgeneralization but I think that may be the only way. ;)

    Today I heard the line from Laura Story's song titled Blessings, that went like this, "What if the trials of this lifetime are your mercies in disguise?"  I've probably heard that song thousands of time on the radio as I drive the kids to and fro.  But today as I went along and heard the words, tears just fell.  I'm not sure how to describe the emotion behind those tears other than the moment that you see how SO many experiences of pain, loss, pressing in, disappointment, betrayal, crisis, hoping, praying, leaping again, and praising work together to bring you right where you are and you see- it is good.

    As I say I would never want to relive my last year, I can honestly say I am grateful for it.  With 13 surgeries, all but one out of state and two emergency, we were treading water.  I lost count on how many times we drove to St. Louis and back. Every time rest felt like it might find us, trauma from the past surfaced as this or that child processed insecurities of being away from home or away from a parent.  In order to be the best parent we knew to be, we stripped away the things that took away and some of those things involved blogging and social media.  Writing is therapeutic for me but even writing during that season felt draining.
Lucia LOVING the countryside

    Lucia had surgeries on her entire spine and hip.  Cephas had his legs amputated and a deep wound on his tail bone that didn't want to heal that required surgery.  Jubilee broke her leg and while casted the weight of the cast caused her leg to roll out no matter how hard we tried to keep it straight.  So while she healed it left another challenge.  And in the meantime, her scooting days had to be removed because the weight on her leg continued to hyper extend it.  (The cause of the break.) We were finally able to find her a stander that would provide the support overall she needs since she has a lot less upper body strength and flexibility than Cephas does. She was able to use a demo for a few months with the hopes we could get things worked out with insurance to get her the stander but we weren't able to and so she isn't weight bearing now. That's fairly frustrating in that we have seen changes in her body in the short time it's been missing from her daily schedule.  Please continue to pray this can get worked out shortly because it isn't just helpful, it's necessary for her to be weight bearing.

    We had three on bed rest for about 10 weeks from December through January atleast.  We were able to have some in home nurse visits to avoid constant trips to the wound care clinic.  But come January we had to put off Jubilee's leg surgery so that all was healed up.  We hope to have it done before the year is over but the good news is  - we have not had ONE surgery in 2015! PRAISE GOD!  Our family needed the mental and emotional break of hospital travel.

    God met us every day.  His mercies so sweet in the form of friendships, strangers, our Grace Haven mom's retreats -grace that made hard times feel light.  I wouldn't have gone into the quiet prayer place if I hadn't been pulled to the extent I was.  God knows what we need.  I was so hungry and thirsty to hear Him and to silence the world around me.  
Fellowship at our retreat

    With spring brought the rain here in Arkansas, it also caused a blooming in our children too.  Becoming mobile and enjoying the outside again, the sweet vitamin D of sun seemed to rejuvenate as we gave thanks.  A new appreciation for sitting on the rocking chairs on the porch looking at our flowers, naming the birds, reading books, singing and laughing ushered a greater joy and that joy brought desires in the kids to unite like they hadn't before.  To no longer vie for attention but to relish in playing together. We built a turtle sanctuary in our backyard. Prepped and planted the garden together. Welcomed a precious visit from our friend Alla of Bible Orphan Ministries from Ukraine. Potted flowers all over! We participated in a week at Vacation Bible Farm. Adopted a new kitten named Elvis. Made our own tetherball set up. Enjoyed a lovely visit from our cousins.  Learned to bake cinnamon apple rolls. Simple things of life!
Excited about our new turtle sanctuary
BLESSED to have Alla come from Ukraine!
Tina's family vacation time

   We've taken the deep breaths and smiling again with lots of new lessons learned.  For months it can just seem the same like a new day isn't dawning but because our God is FAITHFUL, he helped us to be faithful when we didn't even know how to be.
Sisters in Christ who LIFT!

   I really want to thank many of you who reached out to us and prayed with us.  There were days I came to my inbox and shed tears of gratitude for encouraging words and scripture prayed over our family.  Truly, to be on the receiving end of those words when you are pressing in like never before, is immeasurable in value.  We praise God for you.

   I'm feeling the momentum of the new season to return to writing and sharing!
Super excited to share the latest praise in my next post!

 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19



Thursday, September 4, 2014

Say WHAT?!

Just a little double take happened for me today.  I happened upon this photo

shortly after our bible lesson this morning.  I was teaching on where power comes from and our bible verse was from Zechariah 4:6. "Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord Almighty." 

Lucia felt confident and wanted to recite it herself.  Seeing her brought chills to me- watching her, listening to her voice speak such truth.  There was power radiating so I went ahead and videotaped her and put on Facebook.  I told her that I knew that she would bless someone by hearing her share the verse and so she said I could put it on.

Then I saw this photo.

She came home in May of last year.  Just a tiny one at 16.

No schooling.   Every breath painful and labored.

We didn't know what tomorrow looked like....and now it's been about 420 tomorrows later!!  Just astounds me! 

And this is what my girl is doing this afternoon

She has gone from 48 pounds to 80 pounds and I can no longer carry her as I once did so easily.  She wore size 7/8 and now wears 14/16!  She has stretched out considerably since having her spinal fusion in January and while she isn't eager for another surgery, we are all anxious for her hip surgery in November that will eventually lead her to sitting up without pain.

I wish so much that I could come here more often to update all of you on her progress because there is just SO much to smile and give thanks for.  Thank you again to so many who have invested prayers into her life. She is taking the gifts God has given to her and is sharing them with those who meet her.

Hope is a beautiful thing.  And when it meets opportunity, it's pretty amazing to watch unfold.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Are We Moved in Prayer to Action?

Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.  Psalm 126:6

   Ever since 2004 when the suffering of orphans became real to Randy and I, we have carried a burden on our hearts to see every single orphan be nurtured in family.  Naturally, this burden then extended to those families who were yearning to the depths of their souls with this same longing.

  How do I describe the cry in the belly?  It's the answer to prayer when we asked God to keep alive inside of us the pain of the orphan who knows no hope.  It's the constant reminder of who we were before we knew the saving grace of God.  It's a holy ache that we pray everyone in the body of Christ knows and grasps; that compassion be awakened to a full measure of movement of prayer and action to touch the very least.  It's the deep love of Jesus who lives inside of us, prompting to become a vessel of His healing on earth as it is heaven.

     Lately, the waves of cries feel weightier than ever as families walk this journey feeling the rejection of the world as Christ did when they said YES to the orphan.  We are not without hope, and these families are not either- but they do need a support system as the spiritual battle that rages against them is fierce to keep the lie of defeat screaming in their ears.

    Friends, I am asking you to join Grace Haven.  I am asking you to begin praying as Randy and I do to carry the voice of the voiceless within your heart and let it out to be heard readily with song to heaven and to not fall victim to the hopelessness of LACK and impossibilities that the world provides.

   How do we enter in? First, we present ourselves emptied and ready to be filled with the love of God through humble spirits who know all power is through Christ Jesus.  Then, we ask to be used to bring what is poured through our vessels to be handed on to the weak who need Him.  And we ask to SEE through the lens of compassion who holds not judgment but seeks righteous redemption through forgiveness and grace.  Glory be to God!

We are calling on our brothers and sisters to lift up the families who come to us, crying the belly ache not for themselves but as carriers of the Lord's heart for a precious jewel held captive.  Near or far, doesn't matter.   Let's just love and carry their ache.  Ask them how you can help.  Rally your life group at church to set up a 24 hour prayer vigil for their family and child.  Prayer moves hearts.  There is no movement like the move of God.

I want to highlight a few families who are in need of your prayers and if you feel moved to give, than give freely and cheerfully and FAITHFULLY with blessed words of life.

The McDonald Family blog
Immediate $1500 NEED

The Kunkle Family 
Dale and Buffey leave JUNE 20th for Ukraine.  Please keep them in your prayers as they travel for their first time to a country who is in distress to say the least.  Prayers for protection, wisdom, revelation and divine appointments.  Please pray that their families here at home would be prepared and bathed in God's grace and peace while they are away.

They are in need of $5,000 still with a short time left before travel.  They have $375 more to go towards their $500 matching grant at Grace Haven that goes through Thursday.

Right now, Project TLC is offering a t-shirt fundraising effort for both the Kunkle's and the McDonald's.  Just go visit Project TLC T-shirt Fundraiser Details

The Menges Family is in the middle of making fresh strawberry jam to raise funds.  This family just touches my heart!  They have sowed and prayed and we currently have a $500 matching grant that ends at the end of Thursday at midnight.  So far - $0 dollars have been given.  Will you please help share their story and link and ask for prayers for the floodgates to open?

The Simmon's Family
 They currently have $300 more to go on their $500 matching grant at Grace Haven.

The Johnson Family
has a $500 matching grant at Grace Haven through Thursday and has had $0 donated since the announcement.  Please pray for no paperwork hindrances and for His provisions to be poured out generously.  Grace abound!

All Grace Haven Families
have prayer need as they travel and await the birth of their child.  Please pray for hearts to be prepared to bond and against the spirit of rejection.  Pray for Holy Spirit guidance to minister to their children.

Praise God that He uses us, weak ones, to be renewed and to become moving, living vessels with all GLORY to the ONE who does it all.

12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. 13 Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. 17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.     1 Timothy 1:12-17

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Swing Time in Seasons

Changes are happening.  The Lord is shutting doors and opening new ones.  Learning to embrace new things and letting go of old can feel shaky in the beginning but as we have found before, it is always for our good.  No matter what, we will still declare the goodness of God!  So, let me share some GOODNESS!

First a quick update on Jubilee (and Holden too).  These two struggled for so long.  I mentioned it in an earlier blog post titled Jubilee's Breakthrough but as only God can do, he not only brought them closer but used the heartbreaking news that our family was not welcome at their school any longer to rise up in Holden a beautiful response.  God is stirring in him a compassion towards the weak as he processed injustice.  We see his heart expanding.  While no one ever wants to hurt, we are getting to witness new growth and a new season in our children because of it.  And the most exciting news of all is that our family has been warmly embraced at a new school where all of our children are welcome. That means, we get to go to one location!  (That's feels like a small miracle!) 

Many have been asking me about Cephas or "Mr. Awesome Sauce" since his double amputation last month.  His legs were healing nicely the first two weeks and we went back for a check up giving us the go ahead to allow him to begin moving about to see how he would find his way.  Soon we noticed that one of his legs was rubbing and re-opening the incision.  We've had to deal with a small infection and lots of drainage again in the one leg and so we have gotten acquainted with the Wound Care Clinic in our town through Mercy.  They have been SO good to us.  Must put a little shout out to Dr. Friesen.  He has such sweet bedside manners and his love for his patients so very obvious.
Surrounded by his AWESOME friends!

We have also been given a bit of discouraging news about Cephas' legs.  His thigh bones are pretty severely curved from malnutrition over many years and with his hips being dislocated and no glut muscles, it's very very difficult for him to pull his legs together- they want to fall out to the side.  When he is in his wheelchair we put a strap around his legs to keep them together and from rubbing on his wheels.  Because the wounds haven't healed entirely (close though!), he hasn't had as much opportunity to try and pull up but the couple times I have seen him he is quite challenged with the spreading of his hips to the side.  Please pray with us for him to be strong in his upper body and that he would not lose his freedom in mobility.  We know that his lower limbs really needed to go.  They were in the way and it was a matter of time before his knees snapped the way he was putting weight on them.  They continued to bend.

So while no one is sorry about the amputation, Cephas also hasn't really had the opportunity just yet to discover what new things await him on the horizon. We continue working on stretching and strengthening and in usual Cephas fashion, he finds a way to see the positive.  His loaner wheelchair has provided him some entertainment.  He really enjoys wheeling himself and so I am prayerful that his joy remains full and that he is patient as he works each day as they come.

Lovely Lucia!  She has new things to share too.  After that long four month wait to get out of her body brace, she had a chance to try that swing at the park she had been watching everyone else use.  It was hardly cozy but it was doable.  She continues to have increasing pain in her hip as she spends more time sitting upright in her chair and we will soon be discussing this with an orthopedic surgeon (or two).  Even so, she squealed at the opportunity to get in this swing!  So here she is!  She handled about ten minutes which we think is pretty fabulous.

Lucia's First Swing

Life is full, so very full.  Pain is part of that fullness.  It's through our pain, we have learned to appreciate more, recognized it's use to take us to new places, causes us to press in to Jesus and not rely on ourselves.  I'm counting it all good, because my Father in heaven is ALL GOOD!

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.   Isaiah 43:19

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Lucia, Tall and Strong

    Oh the long, long road.  Sometimes I can start to think things are hard, like I can't catch a break.  And then it doesn't take me long to shake that thought loose.  I've got some kiddo's who know the slow and steady trek all too well.  I think Lucia and Cephas have touched so many lives because they have illustrated a  crazy kind of joy under trial.  They truly are filled with a light that could only come from a supernatural Preserver and Protector.

   So this photo you see?  This is the straightest Lucia has EVER sat.  She looks HUGE to me and it seems in appearance she has matured as well.  I think it's the way she holds her head so high, and the hair that has grown (no more shaved heads!) and now even gathers just a bit at her shoulder. 

    She sit up higher in this new borrowed chair (until her own arrives) that is allowing her to see up and over our counter tops so her new favorite thing to do is watch us cook.  She is seeing the world from a new vantage point. 

    Today we went for a walk around the block and then she "helped" me pull weeds.  I noticed a new ease over her.  She asked me loads of questions.  How did you meet Dad?  When did you move to this house?  How did God show you Grace?  And as I shared the story of my life, I could tell she was expanding her processing too.  "So mom, God had to show you how to be a parent to Grace. And you had to not be scared to come back for me and Cephas."  Yes, I told her.  "God had to show me that He would take care of me every time, if I would listen to Him. Sometimes that is hard for us to do." 

   Then she said, "I don't feel scared anymore.  I have a home.  I have a family.  And God has helped me.  It took a long time."  About then a robin landed on the ground nearby and I pointed it out to her.  That bird sat for an exceptionally long time and I was reminded of Matthew 6:26 and shared it with her.  "Lucia, God says that if he can take care of all of the birds, how much more will he care for us?"  She gazed for a long time at the bird.  I swear that bird knew not to move, that she was enjoying him.  "God is good.  All the time.  Never leaves us.  He touches our hearts," she said quietly.

    I was behind her pushing her along and tears welled in my eyes.  People will never know her suffering.  Never know the kind of time and torment she has endured.  She will always express life to those who see her and yet the kind of lessons she has learned - none academic - have prepared her for so much more in this world than those who were raised "having it all."  Thoughts came flooding of those who feel sorry for her or look on her thinking she doesn't know anything....and my oh my,  she knows so much more than we can imagine.

    She is gifted in relationship.  She sees hearts.  She wants to understand them.  Doesn't get impressed by a thing, only moved by the love she sees.  So quiet she often is,  and sometimes silly, she has a precious personality.  She was a gift to me.  God chose her to quiet my own heart.  No mountain I wouldn't climb for her.  How God can take those things we are certain we couldn't do, and then mold us to be so in love with them, that we think how did we ever live without them, blows my mind! 

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Living as Light Under Trial

     I have a few desires with our blog.  I love that I can record our life happenings as a remembrance and to share with our friends and family.  But I also want to be honest with those who are walking similar journeys, so they can be encouraged and to know it's not about perfection, but lots of grace.  I want those who are about to step into adoption, to look at us, and to be encouraged that God's grace is more than enough. 

     At the same time, I want to honor my children and their stories.  There are pieces of their stories they want me to share and pieces they don't.  And there are aspects of our journey I don't share in order to protect and other aspects I feel prompted to share for understanding, education and ministering to hearts. 

    A couple of posts back I wrote about Jubilee's Breakthrough.  I waited to share some of the challenges she had walked through because I didn't want it held against her.  Our pasts become our testimonies of what God has done in our lives.  And so, because Jubilee has had such incredible breakthrough, I wanted to share it as encouragement for those who had been in the trenches doing hard work for many months without seeing success.  While we are in the middle of many BIG blessings and expansion in our home and hearts, we can, at the very same time be reaching down into a pit trying to pull another one up.  Highs and lows come together many times for our family.

    I was excited to share Jubilee's new found freedom and the joy that comes with it - until that blog post was used against her.  Can i just say - if we ever hold someone's past against them and decide they should not be given a chance then we have shot ourselves in the foot.  What chance should we be afforded? 

    Randy and I pray about the experiences we place our children in.  We think we are a bit on the conservative side and cocoon with our children, being careful with what they participate in until we feel a prompting by the Holy Spirit and see the fruit that has come from our cocooning period.  Only then do we consider placing them with others.  We take into consideration who they will be with, even the room they will be in, the duration of time of the activity and the subject. 

    We have a little girl who has overcome a mountain, is beginning to feel as though she belongs.  Joy is filling her heart.  Peace rests with her.  New steps are being taken.  But fear came to meet us a couple days ago.  When we signed her up to join Rainan in two, one hour classes (I am able to be there for), we were told the school was unable to care for her needs- because of the blog post I had shared. 

     Fear prevented any openness to meeting her, to giving her a trial period, to trusting the wisdom of Randy and mine in allowing her the opportunity to grow in experiences that bring her joy!  Fear read my blog and instead of seeing where she is now, decided where she was is still present.  I have to be honest, I have wondered if I harmed her by sharing.  We certainly didn't imagine anything but for the body of Christ to celebrate with us, and to partner with us in encouraging her successes.

    God has been so good to minister to Randy and I to remember that this ministry goes far beyond what we do with our children but our battle extends to stand in faith and truth against the fear that still permeates within the body of Christ, unable to see the abounding good works that God is doing.  For a moment, we trembled in the sting for our daughter.  For a moment.  But through forgiveness, God reminded us that this is still Grace Haven.  In the safety of Jesus, no matter the injustice or unfairness of man, God reigns and will make overflowing joy abound for our daughter!!  Her fate is not determined by man and so OUR joy overflows too! 

    Certainly we pray for healing to happen and Jesus to break His light into the areas of fear but whether or not that happens this time and incident for Jubilee or not, we believe He is using this opportunity to grow us.  Jubilee has witnessed our hurt for her, she knows without a doubt that when we told her she couldn't join Rainan, that it wasn't us rejecting her.  She laid her head on my shoulder then looked at me and said, "So they don't like me?"  I told her, "Sweet girl, they don't know you!  If they knew you, they would absolutely like you! You just keep praying and doing your very best and God will show you amazing things."

    As I was meditating in the word, the Lord brought me to Isaiah 49:8-9.
I love it as I noticed that the background of the verse is probably the year of Jubilee!

This is what the Lord says:

In the time of my favor I will answer you, and in the day of salvation I will help you;  I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people, to restore the land and to reassign its desolate inheritances, to say to the captives, 'Come out,' and to those in darkness, 'Be free!'

    Our freedom wasn't stolen!  Jubilee is being set up for greater things.  God will make a way so that the living testimony of His grace in her life will be made known.  We will not be shaken!  We will not stop sharing the amazing work God has done.  Glory be to God!

Please join us in prayer for families and for God's people that no offense of man can become a snare to the transforming work of the Cross.  Jesus said, "It is finished."  His love is made complete in us!  (1John 4:12)