The Strength of Weakness

 I'm learning more about love.....

About how it involves so much weakness........

 Not knowing all the answers.....

But just being there in the midst of it all...... being present in heart to hear
and to touch and respond.

 Not to have the answer but to say, I will be with you through it all.

 The words I hear break me.....

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for not throwing me on the ground.

Thank you for hugging me.

I need to call Grandma and tell her about my surgery.

Is Lucia okay?  Will she have her surgery soon?  I will be with her.

I love my family.  Thank you 

I've learned more about love from my broken children, than all of my other years of life.  Watching them work through real concerns, processing their own medical conditions, discussing where they came from, what they have seen and experienced, and watching them interact with one another ministers Jesus.

They move in healing continually and Randy and I are on the receiving end of love's wisdom.  We receive heavenly nuggets of knowledge simply by being a part of this. 

Today Lucia asked if there was any way she would ever have to go back to Ukraine.  Would there be any reason we would ever send her back?

I asked her why she thought that and if she worried about it.

"Yes I worry.  I love you so much and I worry that I will be too much and you will not want me anymore."

In the waiting area we had a good cry session.

In the midst of medical needs we process emotional needs too.  They both affect their life.  Healing of their bodies and healing of their spirits.....

It's all about believing....of trusting and knowing that heaven is our home.

Throughout the day they ask us to pray with them and they stop to pray for others.  They have a sober spirit that understands their own weakness and seeks Jesus to heal them.  Randy and I see humility and a dependent heart on God. 

Spending time around these two will convict pride immediately.  These two have softened our other children and been an example of facing frailties.  I pray one day Cephas and Lucia will fully understand the incredible gift they have been to our family. 

Randy and I are softer than ever and what I witness in my husband is a holy working out.  The further we walk, the tighter we are being woven together up and into Christ.  It's a blessed walk and it might not be understood, but it's precious.  It's worth loss....even as I say that through painful tears, it's true.

Cephas is doing well this evening.  Laying next to me in his hospital bed he is soaking up some good sleep after recovering from his surgery today.  The doctors expect a nice healing and for us to be able to go home perhaps as soon as Monday if he continues to do this well. 

While Cephas was in surgery, we met with Lucia's spine surgeon.  He shared that her back is at 120 degrees scoliosis and her right lung is pressed so severely it looks like a "sliver."  It's hardly functioning.  He said that fusion of her back was not only a good option but necessary for her to live.   She is struggling with internal organs being pressed up into her ribcage area and besides breathing, feeding will continue to become more difficult.

Her surgery is scheduled for January 10th.  In the mean time we are working on getting her body strengthened for surgery nutritionally.  She is working very hard in therapies and we will return in December for her to undergo several more tests and preparations before her big surgery day.

They will put her in traction similar to when I had broken my neck with four point screws in her head and then screws in her legs and then they stretch her body into position so she is held in position when they put in the rod and fuse it.  She will be placed in a body brace for 4 that we can bathe her with. 

Our prayer request is that she would remain healthy and stable from now until the time of surgery and of course that her body would respond well to the surgery.  Tonight Randy has her at the hotel and will take her in for a tooth extraction in the morning.  Then they will come visit us one last time before he takes her back to Arkansas. 

I know many of you were a part of helping bring these precious hearts into our family and I just want to edify each of you and THANK you most sincerely for being part of God's divine plan and partaking in growing each of us.

I am truly humbled to be in the presence of so many beautiful hearts who share their own stories with me and who allow us to pray with them in their own journey of healing too.  It's what we are called to love one another and to bear with one another. 

God bless you


Samantha said…
Will Lucia have her surgery at St. Louis Children's? If so, I would love to offer a meal for your family while she's in the hospital.
Looking at the pictures, she looks so good compared to when you first brought her home. You have such a beautiful family and I love reading about it.
Tina Kacirek said…
Samantha yes it will be St. Louis Children's. We have felt tremendous grace for these days. Thank you for wanting to bless my family. We surely accept food offerings! ♡ And I agree Lucia is making incredible transformation...His love endures forever!
Amy said…
Such a beautiful update. My oldest is 16 and we adopted him two years ago from China. He still needs to hear that he will never be sent back or away no matter what from time to time. He has CP and requires a lot of help. When he lived in China, he had to change foster homes quite a few times because foster parents could no longer care for his special needs. I would recommend reminding your beautiful children periodically that they will never be going back even if they haven't brought the fear up. It takes a while for this fear to be completely banished with a child who has been through so much and who can blame them for worrying about it. You probably already know all this though since you have adopted so many others. We have two other adopted children who have also voiced this fear. We joke with our oldest son, especially when he is mad at us, that he is stuck with us as parents forever and he can't trade us in for better parents. This usually gets a smile out of him.
Samantha said…
Tina, please forward me your address and/or phone number and keep me posted on when you will be back in the area. I'm very familiar with St. Louis Children's as that is where my daughter receives most of her specialty care.
My email is stewfam4 at
I look forward to hearing from you.
Tesseraemum said…
I was so touched and burdened by your post. I have scoliosis and had to wear a brace as a kid. I can only imagine the pain and needless suffering your Lucia has endured for no other reason than lack of care. I have been praying for her and your family! Last night I had a very real dream that I think after praying about it I need to share with you. Lucia was sitting in a straight chair with her skinny little legs hanging down. She had a rather large ceramic vase of some sort sitting in front of her. Her back was straight but her legs were still very frail. She said she was going to pick up the vase! Everyone said she shouldn't but she stood up and did just that, and then sat back down and smiled! That was it! Just so full of promise and strength that shouldn't be! I'm praying that you see this for real very soon!!
My brother had a spinal fusion done this summer to correct his scoliosis (he has CP, as well). I am holding your family close to my heart in prayers as you prepare for Lucia's operation.
Kristi Carreon said…
Your blog always makes me bawl

Popular Posts