Wounds of the Orphaned Heart: Loving From Afar

Children cannot process a parents decision to leave the family separate from themselves. They always question their value; their degree of lovability.

     My father once told me he should never have had children and that he was not meant to be a father. He explained he was too selfish and would rather "love from afar."  And in his matter of fact way of speaking (not upset or inflamed in any way) I guess it took me a long time to realize what his words were really speaking.  

    "Loving from afar" became haunting words to me.  What does that mean?  I prayed for years on this.  If he was loving, why wasn't love the thing I was experiencing?  

     Love requires action.  It's something we do.  It's time spent.  And the feeling that comes out of love is a desire and hope to be closer.

     At first I denied them to myself. Children's hearts do not want to receive distancing words from their parents. While everyone is different in coping, it is still trauma to the heart when a parent places a boundary line that is against Gods plan.

     I have been allowing the Lord to do a deep work of revelation and scouring as I wanted wisdom on this "love from afar" thing. While I wait upon the Lord for His working out,  I am so thankful that he has allowed me to be able to feel pain and given me the courage to walk into anothers.

    I have a very soft spot for my father even as I share those woundings. I understand that in order to speak those words and to stay distant to me speaks of old wounds to his heart from a time long ago. Likely, from before I was born.

    The way we process heart wounds is so very important. If we push them down or cover them over they morph into something else and arise in other facets of our lives. One thing is certain; they always affect relationship. 

                                   A lie to the heart always inflicts.

     If you can view your adopted child (or any orphan spirit) and their distancing behavior through that lens, you can begin to tend to wounds instead of being wounded by their wounds! What your child is saying without words is, "I don't believe I am lovable."  Distancing behavior and shutting down behavior will absolutely touch your old wounds if you have anything in there you are trying to push down or avoid.  

       Living out of fear of rejection has a tendency to cause REJECTION.

If today you are realizing you are working overtime to mask your own aches please find a place to go alone with God. Find a quiet zone if it needs to be your closet. 

Lay every lie you have believed at the feet of Jesus.

Release in forgiveness the person who spoke those lies or has lived out of a lie and hurt you.

Soak in His truth......

You were made by a perfect Love.

Your destiny is heaven.

All of the fruits of the spirit are available to you to walk in because you trust your heavenly Daddy.

Heavenly Daddy says you are absolutely 100 percent accepted. 

                                             Never will He leave you.

This is your power. Not what you have known or experienced that was against truth but Truth that stood and declared LIFE over you at first thought of you. You were made to love another in Christ and with the grace He willfully and joyfully pours on you to HEAL every last broken place in your heart.

May every life know the goodness of the Lord and every orphaned heart be healed in the name of Jesus!

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.

                                                Psalm 27:10


Lisa said…
From someone who has suffered from a "Daddy's love" that was not reflective of God's love and still doubts her lovability, your words were beautifully written. They brought tears, but also a reminder of how I am truly loved by my Heavenly Father.
Judee Albert said…
Beautifully written. Thank you.

May God bless and keep you.

Judee in Iowa

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