I Waited A Long Time: Going Deeper

Today was filled with insights into Cephas' mind.  He's been quite overwhelmed with the past days.  He told George that he remembered us coming to see him at Torez and described in detail a bit about our visit.  He has incredible memory.  He said that he had been waiting a long time and described it in a way as though he knew we would return. He kept his faith for it.  He said that first we needed to get Maxim Ivanov (our Maxim at home) home and then we could come back for him.  "I just had to wait a very long time." He has learned the fruit of patience.  He is meeting the goodness of God in the land of the living.  He doesn't know bitterness.

I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
 Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.   Psalm 27:13-14

The caregivers explained that all he talks about is his new mom and dad when we are away.  He's dreaming and planning out loud.  He's trying to gather all of his facts together and very concerned with details.  Not worried concerned, but thoughtful concerned.  "You will go to see Julia and then come back, right? How many days will that be?  What time?  What will we do?" He held my face in his hands over and over and then I did the same with him.  He ran his hands through my hair and studied my face.  After a big sigh, for the first time he said, I love you.  While he had been hearing us say those words, this was his first and with it came a rush of emotions in his little heart and I thought he would burst!

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. Psalm 5:11 

We brought him some juice and yogurt.  While he loved it, he ate it carefully to keep his face and hands clean.  Once he finished the yogurt, he said he wanted to wait for the juice and to drink it slowly so he could savor it.  He wants to drag out each of  these new moments as long as he can and frankly, so do I.  The caregivers said he likes sit at the head of the table and oversee everyone receiving their food.  While the others shovel it in fast, he takes his time enjoying all that is before him. 

I brought cars and balls today.  While he played with them, he seemed unfulfilled.  He seemed a bit tired.  Maybe bored.  I asked the caregiver what he likes to do.  She said, "Talk."  She said he wants to talk about everything and know every detail about what things are and how they work.  We asked him if he wanted to stop playing and he said, yes that he thought he had enough.

 And as we began exchanging in conversation he perked back up with lots of questions about his family waiting for him at home.  He has returning focus to the cats.  He loves them. Wants to know what they look like.  Wanted to know if Chloe our dog will lick his face.
"I am going to ride on an airplane!  It's night time there now."  Someone had taught him about the time difference and he thought of that often...wondering what his family was doing in America at any given time.  I often wondered the same.  He thought of his new home, like I often do about heaven; with expectation and joy.  He'll soon learn that unlike heaven, his family is not perfect but is steadfast in seeking the One who is.  He will know prayer.  He will know acceptance.  His heart is safe to dream lofty.
He enjoyed scooting back and forth between Randy and I.  It has been overwhelming for him to think about having his own parents who love him.  He told his caregivers and friends yesterday when he returned to his room, "Can you believe it?  I have parents who want me!"  Makes me want to bawl and leap for joy at the same time that a child would live with a huge hope for LOVE.  To be the one who gets to look into their eyes and say, "I will love you," is to live bigger than you ever have before.  There are no words to express the journey of adoption.  In every piece of grief, pain, discovery and hope is LIFE.  It's a traveling place.  It takes you to places lower so you can release and go higher. 

Causes you to look at things you once turned away from.  And you look because its no longer fear of pain that rules you but the desire to see LIFE returned to the robbed one.  And truth is, life spent in service for the lost (in whatever capacity) is the walk we were called to when we received our own adoption.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.... John 13:34 

His love is whole. It cost Jesus all comforts and took Him to great grief so that victory would be eternal.  Jesus' actions taught us that death was only conquered through love.  And yet he experienced death first in his body to show us that our bodies were not what mattered most.  I can risk loss and love deeply because LOVE does not die.  In fact, it grows without limit because God is love.  If only we will really grasp that our search for fleshly comfort is what keeps us from perfect security.

Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense;
he has become my salvation.”
 With joy you will draw water
from the wells of salvation.

 In that day you will say:
“Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name;
make known among the nations what he has done,
and proclaim that his name is exalted.
Isaiah 12:2-4

And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised. Hebrews 6:15


mommajeane said…
I love how your journey is going and how sweet to hear about a life that is being redeemed. What joy and amazement you must be feeling to be a part of something God is doing….Prayers are being said as I think of you all being there…Each time as the Lord reminds me I pray.
Melissa said…
So glad to be able to follow along on Maxim-Cephas'journey. Fifteen years of waiting and not bitter. How many of us could say the same?
Ma Rose said…
Thanks for sharing! I love your perspective on life and thise journey of adoption!
I hope I will someday be as good a mom as you are...
Cephas smile is priceless in those pictures!!!
I am fighting the tears. What joy and spirit he shows! His smile says everything we need to know.
Anonymous said…
Our son told us through our translator "Ever child in the orphan house dreams the day when Mama and Papa comes and take them home."
Praying for more dreams to come true!
BTW for the longest time our son thought ALL kids were born in the orphan house and waited for their parents. He was frustrated that "you lose me Mama!" and that he had to wait so long for us to find him again. He know understands how it works, but every once in a while he refers to the time we lost him. :(
Yvonne said…
I love this blog, how amazing!!! Please tell him we said hello and are very HAPPY for him!
Jon and Yvonne Clanton
Sophie said…
what a beautiful boy and I love the last picture of the 3 of you together, you are such an inspiration, God bless you and your family!
Christie Minich said…
Tears.... he is so special.... I am so thankful that he is going HOME!
Anonymous said…
Please tell me u realize that a kid latching onto u like this boy has - immediately upon meeting u, who r strangers -- is a gigantic red flag 4 attachment disorders.

It's not cute, it's not sweet, it's indiscriminate affection!
Tina Kacirek said…
Alisha - Thank you for taking the time to leave your honest comment. It's comments like these that give me good opportunities for future post subjects to respond to. We are currently in the middle of a divine act of mercy by God and so I will keep my joy at what He is doing and trust God that He is big enough to handle the hard road Cephas has been on. We trust Him with his very life. Bless you and I will be happy to respond to your request to let you know what I see soon in an upcoming post.
Renee Loux said…
Beautiful Tina,

I am proud of you......beyond words..proud. You know that I have a tribe of children and that 10 are adopted, so I think I have a voice as your friend to say, "Well done! Well done for giving God the "yes" in your heart. Well done for realizing the truth, that this is a divine act of mercy by God himself. Yes, do keep your joy and know that God is big enough to handle the hard road Cephas has been on. As my precious friend Mike Bickle said, "Love always wins, even when costly." I love you, believe in you and what you are doing, and am moved to tears at the beauty of your lives!

Tabbitha said…
Divine act of mercy indeed! Can't wait to meet this great guy!
Hope Harder said…
What an amazing story. God is good!
fanchon said…
What a beautiful post, and what a sweet, precious boy you have!! I am literally moved to tears at that last picture of you all three together. The unbridled JOY and happiness in his face is just heartwarming and overwhelming. Prayers going out for your family, and for safe travels home with your new loves!
fanchon said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said…
Oh, I just now read this post - way out of order in reading here...and I can't thank you enough. The sheer pleasure in his eyes already makes him look so different! We are paper chasing now and some days I need motivation to work through the check list - this post is more than enough motivation!! And I love love love your response/post to the critics - hello, do people realize that this poor soul is truly happy to have family, somebody finally who cares for him? Just leave out the attachment piece alone and think of the sheer neglect he has had - that alone is cause for him to grab a hold and not let go to the fun details and thoughts of a home, a family and a future. You all are awesome and I thank you from one Mama to another for sharing so much of your journey!!

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