I Waited A Long Time: Going Deeper

Today was filled with insights into Cephas' mind.  He's been quite overwhelmed with the past days.  He told George that he remembered us coming to see him at Torez and described in detail a bit about our visit.  He has incredible memory.  He said that he had been waiting a long time and described it in a way as though he knew we would return. He kept his faith for it.  He said that first we needed to get Maxim Ivanov (our Maxim at home) home and then we could come back for him.  "I just had to wait a very long time." He has learned the fruit of patience.  He is meeting the goodness of God in the land of the living.  He doesn't know bitterness.

I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
 Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.   Psalm 27:13-14

The caregivers explained that all he talks about is his new mom and dad when we are away.  He's dreaming and planning out loud.  He's trying to gather all of his facts together and very concerned with details.  Not worried concerned, but thoughtful concerned.  "You will go to see Julia and then come back, right? How many days will that be?  What time?  What will we do?" He held my face in his hands over and over and then I did the same with him.  He ran his hands through my hair and studied my face.  After a big sigh, for the first time he said, I love you.  While he had been hearing us say those words, this was his first and with it came a rush of emotions in his little heart and I thought he would burst!

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. Psalm 5:11 



We brought him some juice and yogurt.  While he loved it, he ate it carefully to keep his face and hands clean.  Once he finished the yogurt, he said he wanted to wait for the juice and to drink it slowly so he could savor it.  He wants to drag out each of  these new moments as long as he can and frankly, so do I.  The caregivers said he likes sit at the head of the table and oversee everyone receiving their food.  While the others shovel it in fast, he takes his time enjoying all that is before him. 

I brought cars and balls today.  While he played with them, he seemed unfulfilled.  He seemed a bit tired.  Maybe bored.  I asked the caregiver what he likes to do.  She said, "Talk."  She said he wants to talk about everything and know every detail about what things are and how they work.  We asked him if he wanted to stop playing and he said, yes that he thought he had enough.



 And as we began exchanging in conversation he perked back up with lots of questions about his family waiting for him at home.  He has returning focus to the cats.  He loves them. Wants to know what they look like.  Wanted to know if Chloe our dog will lick his face.

"I am going to ride on an airplane!  It's night time there now."  Someone had taught him about the time difference and he thought of that often...wondering what his family was doing in America at any given time.  I often wondered the same.  He thought of his new home, like I often do about heaven; with expectation and joy.  He'll soon learn that unlike heaven, his family is not perfect but is steadfast in seeking the One who is.  He will know prayer.  He will know acceptance.  His heart is safe to dream lofty.

He enjoyed scooting back and forth between Randy and I.  It has been overwhelming for him to think about having his own parents who love him.  He told his caregivers and friends yesterday when he returned to his room, "Can you believe it?  I have parents who want me!"  Makes me want to bawl and leap for joy at the same time that a child would live with a huge hope for LOVE.  To be the one who gets to look into their eyes and say, "I will love you," is to live bigger than you ever have before.  There are no words to express the journey of adoption.  In every piece of grief, pain, discovery and hope is LIFE.  It's a traveling place.  It takes you to places lower so you can release and go higher. 

Causes you to look at things you once turned away from.  And you look because its no longer fear of pain that rules you but the desire to see LIFE returned to the robbed one.  And truth is, life spent in service for the lost (in whatever capacity) is the walk we were called to when we received our own adoption.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.... John 13:34 

His love is whole. It cost Jesus all comforts and took Him to great grief so that victory would be eternal.  Jesus' actions taught us that death was only conquered through love.  And yet he experienced death first in his body to show us that our bodies were not what mattered most.  I can risk loss and love deeply because LOVE does not die.  In fact, it grows without limit because God is love.  If only we will really grasp that our search for fleshly comfort is what keeps us from perfect security.

Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense;
he has become my salvation.”
 With joy you will draw water
from the wells of salvation.

 In that day you will say:

“Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name;
make known among the nations what he has done,
and proclaim that his name is exalted.

Isaiah 12:2-4





And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised. Hebrews 6:15