Day Nine: A Quieter Day

We had a nice visit today...but it was quieter and maybe a bit heavy on my part. There are many more "Maxim's" here. We've loved being able to see the children and to bless them in very small ways but our thoughts go to how much more they could have. Here is Sveta (too old for adoption) receiving some thick pink Bugs Bunny socks she kept asking for:

Artyom has his own cell phone and even though he doesn't have feet he always meets us at the front, always takes us through the grounds and halls and I see the great purpose work has given to him. He longs for that purpose. Here he is with the guys.

He always tries to take on this tougher older position as he knows his chance at adoption is over. But I still see it in his eyes as he watches us with Maxim. It's that look that says, "what if that were me?" Today before we left I grabbed him and gave him the kind of hug a Mama would give her son and I held him longer. He looked me in the eye with that misty look and then led me down a hall to show me the work he has been doing. Here it is:

As we went to go, some staff started getting on his case and I have a feeling it's because they thought he was taking us away from Maxim. I felt so bad for him... He was having such a sweet moment of encouragement. As I told him molay deitz- Good job on his work, I saw his face beam.

Then I look over and see Beautiful scooting down the hall on her knees and I broke. It feels so wrong to me that she would scoot on all four like a dog down those halls. I admit it, it's just a weaker day for me. Randy had his break lastnight so I guess we are in sync. We know God is good all the time, and we trust Him! His faithfulness to bring us through 4 and a half years to Maxim shows us the lengths he goes to.

There is more that is heavy on our hearts. God knows them all. Please do not read this as something we need relief from, as I think it is a part of loving. Part of caring, part of being moved, part of compassion is feeling broken for the things that breaks God's heart. So in this kind of way, I am thankful that my heart is tender enough to feel this sadness and grief. We are learning thankfulness at deeper levels. This helplessness, leads us to deeper prayer.

When Artyom took us down the hall to show us his work, we went by the room where Maxim was eating from a bowl on a bench. My mind couldn't register that the boy sitting there as an orphan was my son. I wanted to pluck him out. He looked at me with great sadness again. God, please let these days go fast for our boy.

A few more days until court....and then Randy and Holden leave immediately afterwards to head back to Kiev and then to America. Please pray for us leading up to court, in country travel and then on to home.

With love and thankful hearts and arms lifted high,
Tina and Randy and Holden


Julia said…
Where are you? I am reading and longing, and praying and crying - he seems to be in a bit better place than our Aaron was... I just want there to be hope for our LOST BOYS we left behind... Where are you??

My heart is grieving today. Again.
Carissa said…
My heart breaks for Beautiful. I just can't bear to think of her dragging herself along. She would have so much and give so much to a family. Being an orphan is the saddest injustice.
But in all of this Tina, I truly believe these children will remember you and the acts of kindness and love you are giving them, being the hands and feet of love reaching out to these children. You are seed planters for the Lord What a precious memory they will have forever.
Shea said…
You live a few hours from me! Nice to meet you. I adopted Oskar from Estonia last year. I found him through reecesrainbow.
Anonymous said…
Is there no way for Artyom to escape? there must be some way to save him!
Leslie said…
Praying for your heavy hearts. I know this post is old and my comments are late in coming. But I also know that your heart is continually burdened for others so these feelings are not temporary because of the situation you are in right now, but on-going, because part of you will never leave Torez. You and I know that Jesus was a man of sorrows so to love like Christ requires that we have such heavy hearts; to identify with other's pain so we can be full of compassion for them. To love like this is difficult but joyful because we have such GREAT HOPE. Remember through it all that in the end, when it's ALL said and done...JESUS WINS!!! He will wipe away every tear from our eyes and we will rejoice in His neverending, all-consuming love eternally. God, please keep these children's hearts and souls close to you until that day when you return and make ALL THINGS NEW..the day when YOU ALONE will REIGN for eternity! Let not one child be lost forever.

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