What will I Find?

I've spent so much time praying for this one boy. I looked into his eyes many years ago and spoke words to him. I told Maxim I would do all that I could to make him an orphan no longer and make him my own if God would allow it. I never forgot as God embedded this child in my heart in a moment and sealed him there. But as beautiful as that moment may have been and as life marking it was for me, it was over 4 years ago and they were words breathed to a child who could only feel me, not understand me.

The last few months have been overwhelming....so much that it seems only now as we come around the bend into what appears to be the final sprint until we leave to go back for him that I am just now flooding with thoughts of what I will do when I see him. Will he remember my face? Will he wonder what took me so long? He's 9 now...not the four year old I met. I pray that at the moment God touched my heart, he impressed Maxim's with mine...that he might know me by heart if by no other way.

I remember all too well the little bodies I held there; the time in isolation and little nourishment had wasted what was once life. Their skin and eyes told a story their mouths could not speak. And these are places I just cannot go to in my mind. I already know what I can expect to see but can I see Maxim like this? Father, prepare my heart to see things I may not want to see. Give me courage and strength to see pain and respond in your grace that brings joy to his heart.

I long to return, don't get me wrong. Standing amongst these children may very well be the holiest place I could be. Weak, poured out, clinging to hope, innocent.....how something so beautiful can exist within a place so obviously not compatible with life may very well be a miracle in itself. Father God, revive the hearts of these children and continue to embed hearts, sealing them with your love that sustains...that cannot be stolen.


mommajeane said…
I loved your post and especially the last 2 paragraphs. I totally understand your comment about standing in a holy place amongst the orphans. Praying for your provision to come in for your adoptions.

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