Sunday, May 16, 2010

The Battlefield

There are days that arise like the one this last weekend. They are filled with tears and prayers. My tears are of a mother who so longs to hold her children. They are the tears of a mother who knows that one of her children has endured much suffering. On these days it helps to talk to Dolly and Maxim so far away. While they can't hear me, I ask Father to speak to their little spirits and impart to them the love I cannot give them. He can give them everything they need, more than I am able. I ache to hold them, to feed them, to love them. On these days I can feel so small, like an ant. The world feels large and me so helpless.

Some of the deep pain I was experiencing was rejection. I was feeling the pain of rejection Maxim and Dolly have felt in their spirits. We began to experience this rejection ourselves. We've been unfriended and ignored and disapproval shown in ways like deafening silence. It blessed Randy and I as we realized our beginning walk on the lonely road of redemption for the fatherless. The Lord began speaking to our hearts in intimate ways about his own grief and rejection. Whatever rejection we receive is nothing to what Jesus endured. We embrace this as precious growth for our own hearts and opportunities to love our enemies and forgive. We reflected on the pain of the Fathers heart as he looked down on the cruel death of His son, the Redeemer.

My sweet Daddy in heaven gave me these words to meditate on:

You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees.
Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies, I keep your precept with all my heart. Their hearts are callous and unfeeling, but I delight in your law. It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold. Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands. May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word. I know Lord, that your laws are righteous,and in your faithfulness you have afflicted me. May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Let your compassion come to me that I might live, for your law is my delight. Psalm 119:68-77

Part of the battle is being willing to be afflicted. Wow! This was difficult for me to embrace. My flesh screams OUCH! We are called to walk the road but we thank God that this battle is not ours. It's our call and it's our walk but the battle belongs to the one who goes before us, the One who prepares the way, the One who breaks chains and frees the slave.

This is what the Lord says to you: Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you. Go out to face them and the Lord will be with you. 2 Chronicles 20:15;17

We praise you Jesus for the lives of children! They are blessings!

There is a saying that goes something like this.... On the day you were born there was much crying and rejoicing...live your life in such a way that when you die, you leave others with much crying and rejoicing... I am certain I butchered it. Someone posted it the other day and I was struck square in the face with the fact that hundreds of millions of children WERE NOT born to rejoicing parents. 150 million children are alone, starving, enslaved. God forgive us for not caring and for sitting blindly by as we pass judgment on others. "It's not our fault. We didn't do this." "That's messy and ugly." "We'd have to give up our THINGS." "We can't adopt. We like to travel too much." "Kids like that you might have to care for forever." "Don't post those pictures. Those are not for children to see."

Who will go? HERE I AM LORD!

So if I lose friends, Jesus BLESS THEM and LET THEM KNOW YOU LOVE THEM! If my family rejects me, Jesus touch their hearts and fill them with your everlasting love and grace! But Father, if there is one thing I ask it is to be found faithful. Through tears I cry, enlarge my heart and afflict me! Burden me with the love you have for the lost that I might never become numb to the cries of the hurt and broken.













4 comments:

Danielle said...

Thank you for this post, I know how you are feeling! This journey to our babies is not easy. I have to keep on telling myself that I cannot do anything alone, if it is God's will it will happen. I do not know your situation but I know that I have not always had the support that I would like from family or friends. I am sending you hugs and prayers from California!

schoolmother said...

Wow, Tina, I just read this post and the one about Maxim. Beautiful! So moving how God brought you and Maxim back together. I plan to bookmark this blog. The scripture verses were incredibly encouraging and fitting.
Praying right now
Joy,RR adopting "Stephanie" from B

Cindi Campbell said...

You pretty much summed it up as to the misunderstanding of other people and the selfishness that becomes so much more apparent when people are faced with their excuses to not do anything about the suffering of the world. It is a lonely road but soooooo rewarding! I too love that Maxim will be yours. How faithfull our God. Dolly is just that a doll baby. I had seen her while we waited for our last child from China and wished so much she could be mine . Glad to see she will be yours. Blessings, Cindi

Wife to the Rockstar said...

Please get in touch with an e-mail address so I can send you your donation for 10K in 20 days.